


deserving

by theoreticlove



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Hello It’s Time To Project Onto Fëanor, Ice Cream Dates (Mentioned), Insecurities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23083789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoreticlove/pseuds/theoreticlove
Summary: fëanor is insecure
Relationships: Fëanor | Curufinwë/Nerdanel
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	deserving

**Author's Note:**

> hes a little all over the place but so am i so youll have to deal w/ it unfortunately (sorry)

“I have very little in the way of friends, you know.” 

Nerdanel rolled her eyes, turning to face him as he stared up at the ceiling.

“You have a million friends, Fëanaro. You have so many friends it stresses you out.”

He sighed.

“Let me rephrase: I have very little in the way of friends who like me.”

“Your friends like you,” Nerdanel protested. 

“No, they don’t. They like that I am smart and rich and influential. But they don’t actually like me.”

“That’s not true, love. Why wouldn’t they like you?”

He raised an eyebrow, as if to say ‘we both know the answer to that question’. Frowning, Nerdanel pressed the issue.

“Seriously, love, what makes you think that none of your friends like you for being yourself?”

“The fact that myself is arrogant, loud, annoying and talks too much might be a factor.” 

Gently, Nerdanel brought her hand to his face, tilting his chin to make him face her. Concern was laced in her expression and shame tore through him, tears pricking at his eyes. He looked away from her. 

How could he have been so selfish? Burdening her with his problems as if she wasn’t busy enough with her own work, her own emotions. She already did so much for him- fitting into the tiresome role of Crown Princess even if it stifled her, made her uncomfortable, and still coming home to him at the end of the day, unresentful. It was cruel of him to complain, and only added to the guilt he felt every time she came home exhausted, near tears, from trying to fit into a life that had never been hers. 

Loving him was a chore. 

“Oh, Fëanaro. My love, I hate when you are cruel to yourself.”

“Is it truly cruel if my words are true?” He asked, trying to force back his tears all while his voice cracked. 

His breath shook as she pulled him tight, his head resting underneath her chin, her hand running through his hair. 

“Your words are most definitely not true,” she said decisively. “I have spent more than enough time around you to say that with confidence. You are kind, and loyal, devoted, passionate. When you speak your eyes light up- the love you have for your craft, for art, for everything you cherish is so clear, no one could ever fault you for having too many words to describe them. You could hardly annoy anyone with the emotion of your words. Except maybe your brother, but you would hardly call him a friend, hm?”

Fëanaro made a sound that may have been a sob and may also have been a laugh. 

“Besides, even if no one at all liked you, it wouldn’t matter, because I love you very much and that is what’s important.” 

He inhaled sharply, and pressed a kiss to her collarbone.

“I love you too,” he said. “I… I’m sorry.”

“What for, my love?” 

“I just… I feel so guilty. I know you don’t want to be a princess. I know. And I’m the one who’s making you do it, yet here I am, being the one burdening you with my own problems instead of supporting you.” 

“Whoa, whoa, Fëanáro, that is not how our relationship works. You are not making me do anything. I am choosing to be a princess because I love you. You support me every day by being there for me, by asking me how my day went and devising solutions when they aren’t good. By making me laugh, by loving me every day. But I am allowed to support you, too. You don’t need to have a good day every day, you just need to let me in. Let me see those emotions of yours.” 

“I hate having emotions.”

“I know you do. But you have them anyways. As your wife, it’s my job to reassure you when those emotions get bad, just as you do for me.” 

“I feel so selfish talking about my problems. So many people have it worse, I-,” 

“No. Stop it, it’s not a competition. You are allowed to have bad days. You are. Everyone has bad days, and some rules have no exceptions.” 

“I love you,” he told her, pulling back.

“I love you too,” she said, kissing him gently. “Now, I totally think we should go get ice cream. We deserve it.” 

Fëanáro did not, in fact, think he deserved it. But Nerdanel looked so determined as she stood up that he thought, perhaps, that the loathing could wait until tomorrow and he could enjoy an ice cream date with his wife.

“We totally deserve ice cream.”

**Author's Note:**

> [insert peace sign emoji]


End file.
